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Very Rude Elevator Screamers

VRES

There they were.

Just letting their voices be heard.

They’re all women.

Angry women,

Women with ideas and concerns.

Strong women.

Women with a strategy.

These women, they’re onto something.

And, frankly,

I want to serve them,

But I’m imperfect.

I’ll go to the end of the earth,

for them.

I thought about it.

You get one life,

Whose cause are you gonna trumpet?

These women,

I believe in them.

 

 

 

Anatomy of a Heart Attack

Published October 4, 2018 in Max , Ophelia , Uncategorized - 0 Comments

Anatomy of a Heart Attack

“I was in the kitchen

and he was sitting at the counter.

He looked at me and smiled.

I said,’What?’

He said and I’m not kidding,

‘If I were to ask God

to create the ideal woman,

In temperament,

disposition,

beauty,

intelligence and talent,

He could not do better than you.”

“It melted my heart”, she said.

“I just went to him and kissed him.”

“I don’t know what to say, I said.”

‘Don’t say anything.’ he replied.

You don’t have to say anything,’

Her ex Max shook his head,

“Smooth operator,

He’s a smooth operator, that guy.”

She So Fine

Published October 1, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0 Comments

She So Fine

I’d crawl a half mile

over broken glass

just to hear her fart.

Seriously, that’s how fine she is.

The other day, she was out

doing a photo shoot.

And when they posted the best shot,

it got, like, 600,000 likes.

I mean, it’s obscene, the way she is.

The power that she has.

So I messaged her.

And got no response.

Do you know how difficult no response is?

It was my undoing.

It’s like the worst virus ever.

So then she posts something mundane.

She’s at the fridge, in a tube top with no pants.

Of course it’s a product placement,

but I can’t help myself.

I want to buy, for her.

I spend, like $300 bucks.

I don’t care what it is,

She told me to buy it.

Her wish is my command.

Superlatives

Published May 26, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0 Comments

Superlatives2

They shared custody of the dog.

Who had always been dangerous.

First day Jack brought him home,

from a prison like pound in Carson,

Gave him a bath and

afterwards, as they were drying him off,

he snapped

and bit Jack pretty severely.

Now, three years later

and a hundred crises smarter,

Tom Waits (that’s the name he had at the pound)

has to come home early

because he fucking bit Meta Jane.

“He’s in the dog house” she said.

“Why?” asked Jakck.

“He bit me.”

“Ah!” said Jack.

Here he was trying to win her back and…

Boom! The ex-convict blows it.

Ninja star to the solar plexus.

Cousin Bob

Published May 20, 2017 in Uncategorized - 0 Comments

Cousin Bob

He was loud and brash and almost always inconvenient.

The Second Cousin Twice Removed.

Removed from what? No one knew.

And why twice? Wasn’t being removed once enough?

Bob sat in the dentist chair and the technician, Joan, sang

“Yummy, yummy, yummy, I’ve got love in my tummy.”

Finally, he heard someone else’s voice.